On My Own
by MissFiyerabaMeponineSherlock
Summary: One-shot. Eponine thinks about her feelings for Marius


**Got a sudden inspiration to write this. All from Eponine's point of view. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Les Miserales or the fantastic characters.**

Tears streamed down my cheeks. I felt broken inside, like I'd never be right again. God why did this have to hurt so much? This was the worst pain I'd ever felt, and I've experienced a lot of pain. None of the pain from any of the several beatings I've recieved from my father could compare to the pain I felt now. This pain tore at my insides, made my heart want to burst, made me just want to die. It made me feel all alone, like there was no one else in the world who cared, like I'd been forgotten by all that I'd ever met, like the world was just a dark and lonely place where no joy or ray of light could find its way through. It felt like I could never be happy again, I'd lost my light on a dark night; I'd lost my cloak on a harsh, cold Winter night. I was all alone again, nowhere to go, no one to turn to.

I had just delievered a letter for Marius. It was to his 'beloved' Cosette. I gave the letter to her father. I looked down at the francs in my hand. Cosette's father had given me the money. I don't know why.

"I did not want your money, Sir. I came out here 'cause I was told to." I muttered. I looked around me. The sky was darkening, night was near. I wiped the cold tears off my cheeks. _Come on, Eponine. Be strong..._ There was no one else in the streets. They were all deserted, except for me. _Now I can make believe he's here._ I walked alone in the night. Everyone else was sleeping. I allowed my thoughts to turn to Marius. The mere thought of him brought happiness, but with that happiness also came a certain sorrow. He would never love me. I'm just a street rat. But sometimes I try to imagine differently, when the city goes to bed I can live inside my head. Then I walk, on my own and pretending he's beside me. But I know I'm all alone, just wishing that I'm walking with him 'til morning. I try my hardest to believe that he's here with me, without him I feel his arms around me. "When I lose my way... I close my eyes..." I closed my eyes and I could picture him clearly. I allowed myself a small smile. "... and he has found me." the only other noise apart from me was the soft taps of the rain as they hit the roof tops and the ground. I shivered as I walked around barefoot. In the rain, the pavement shines like silver. All the lights are misty in the river. In the darkness it looks as if the trees are full of starlight. When I think of him, I try to see only him and me forever and forever. I sighed as more tears fell from my eyes.

Of course I know it's all in my mind, that I'm talking to myself and not to him... but still, even though I know that he is blind... I try to believe that there's a way for us... But then I remember Cosette. Cosette with her perfect facial features; her sparkling blue eyes and her deep pink lips, her shimmering blonde hair. I used to be thought of as beautiful, but that was before my family went broke. Now I'm covered in dirt, my hair is in tangles, I have nothing to wear but rags, and I'm the scum of the street. Cosette is the lucky one... some man took her away from Montfermeil and she got a life of splendors that I can only imagine now. But more than that–and the reason why I've come to loath her–she gets _him._ She gets Marius. It's not fair! They've only met once! Why does she get him!? I've been in love with him for so much longer and I've been his best friend for even longer than that. The blissful blonde gets everything! What does Marius even see in her!? She's just another pretty face... I guess that's all Marius looks for in a woman. It's not fair...

"I love him," I whispered. "But when the night is over he is gone. The river's just a river" The illusion I made in my head of Marius faded. Without him the world around me changes. The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers. More tears fall from my eyes. God this hurts! I can't have the one thing that I want: Marius' love. That's all I've ever wanted. But Cosette gets all of Marius' love. Ever since he first saw her he hadn't stopped talking about her. I regretted finding her for him. If I had just said no then... well then Marius wouldn't be so happy. I just want him to be happy... but I wish he could be happy with me! But he'll never be happy with me because he loves her. "I love him, but every day I'm learning all my life I've only been pretending!" I was downright sobbing "Without me his world will go on turning!" My breaths were coming in gasps. I needed to calm down, but that seemed impossible. "A world that's full of happiness that I have never known!" I can't remember that last time I was truly happy, it's been so long. I haven't had many reasons to be happy. I tried to be happy when I was around Marius, but even before he met Cosette it was hard because I knew he would never love me. No one could ever love a street rat. Life has dropped me at the bottom of the heap. I will never be truly happy, I know it's true. "I love him..." I whispered, my voice barely audible. "But only on my own..."

_Marius will never love me, I will never be happy, if I were to die I would be forgotten and his world would go on turning._ The pain ripped through me at those thoughts. So this is what a broken heart felt like. I can never be fixed, I'm broken beyond repare. Maybe I should just go and die, it wouldn't make any difference! Or... or I could go back to the barricade. That'd cause him to worry. I smirked slightly and headed towards the barricade.

**I hope you liked it. Please review!**


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